- = ***** =- Spell Checked by HxHPRC
HxHPRC: Enjoy your hours!
[ Sirens ]
HELEN: Time for school!
HELEN: Stop daydreaming. You'll be late for school.
Sometimes I have dreams
MIA: Hey, Louie. Come on.
I picture myself flying
It's time to go to school.
Through the clouds
High in the sky
Conquering the world
With my magic piano
Never being scared
But then I realize
I'm Supergirl
And I'm here to save the world
But I wanna know
Who's gonna save me?
HELEN: Are you feeling confident?
MIA: Not really.
Now just remember, when you make your speech...
don't look at the people.
Pick a spot on the back wall...
don't take your eyes off of it...
and speak loudly.
Thanks, Mom.
Bye, Mom.
Good luck.
Ooh ooh
Ooh
Morning, Buttons.
[ Barking ]
MAN: Be nice, Buttons.
MIA: Whoa. Whoa!
Sorry, Mr. Robutusen.
Have a nice day.
ROBUTUSEN: I doubt it.
Whoo!
I'm Supergirl
[ Sirens ]
I'm Supergirl
What I wanna know
Who's gonna save me?
CHEERLEADERS: Hey, there, ho there
How do you do?
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you.
- I'm Lana... - Anna...
Fontana.
CHEERLEADERS: Go Lions!
BOY: Josh!
I'm Supergirl
- Josh! - What are you doing?
Oh, he's such a show-off.
Jeremiah, off the wall, please.
Come on. You know better than that.
MIA: Good morning, Miss Gupta.
Morning, Lilly...
Lilly's friend.
I'm Supergirl
Who's gonna save me?
You know, as manager of the team...
I really think you should be a part of the team.
Oh, oh! Oops.
I'm sorry, I didn't see you.
I was thinking...
Somebody sat on me again.
- Really? - Yeah.
MIA: I don't know what happened.
I was just sitting there, working on my speech...
It's really a dumb class--
LILLY: Jerk and jerkette sighting.
MIA: Hmm?
Soft kisses on a summer's day
Laughing all our cares away
And dream of--
- What? - What?
You never saw two idiots exchange saliva before?
Oh. Yeah.
They're so rude.
Good. You know, for a second there...
I thought you were going A-crowd on me.
MIA: Oh, heh. Negative.
LILLY: Ready for debate?
MIA: I'm never ready for debate.
[ Cheering ] BOY: Go, Josh!
JOSH: So this is not a debate.
This is a control issue.
Grove controls our minds with what they teach us...
but you know what?
They're not satisfied with that.
I think Grove should dump the uniforms...
and we have casual dress all year round!
[ Cheering ]
MR. O'CONNELL: All right, all right.
OK, girls, settle down. Settle down.
This is a debate, and after it's over...
I want you back in your school uniform.
JOSH: Hey, boss, whatever you say.
Josh, sit down.
- He's the man. - He's my man.
O'CONNELL: OK, Josh. Later, OK?
Down, down, boy. You made your point.
OK, so, now we've all heard...
from Josh Bryant for the affirmative.
[ Velcro rips ]
I love that sound.
What's my point again?
You like our uniforms. They're equalizers.
O'CONNELL: Now we'll hear the rebuttal...
from Mia Thermopolis...
who will present the negative argument...
against our proposition.
[ Scattered applause ]
GIRL: Come on, Mia!
BOY: Whoo-hoo!
Um...I th-think...um...
FONTANA: What a frizz-ball.
ANNA: Look at her hair.
O'CONNELL: Shh!
Um...
BOY: We're waiting.
SECOND BOY: Say something!
You see, um...I...
See, casual-- casual...uh...
[ Breathing heavily ]
GIRL: Are you OK?
ANNA: She's gonna barf.
SECOND GIRL: Oh, God! She's gonna hurl!
THIRD GIRL: Cover the tuba!
O'CONNELL: OK, OK. Everybody settle down.
Learn how to fly
Gotta move on
From what's breaking your heart...
MANAGER: Mia! Finish up with Mrs. Taubman...
and then you can take a break.
Another huge tip from Mrs. Hersh.
I got one from Mrs. Taubman. We're doing all right today.
Mr. Walsh's ropes are twisted.
VIVIAN: Mr. Walsh, stop twisting!
You'll strangle yourself!
Hi, Mom.
You threw up, huh?
And you ran away.
MIA: I'm trying to forget about it.
Can I have some shoes and chalk, please?
Anyway, I'll go talk to your debate teacher--
- What's his name? - Mr. O'Connell.
And straighten it all out.
Mom, I am never going to be a good public speaker.
Just call him and tell him I want to be a mime.
- I can do that. - Here you go.
Oh, your grandmother called.
What?
The live one.
Who lives in Genovia. Clarisse.
Oh. Wow.
This is the first time she's ever contacted us.
What'd she want?
She's in town.
She wants to have tea.
Tea? She came all the way from Europe to have tea?
[ Telephone rings ]
I think I'm gonna climb a little bit.
MANAGER: Rocks Around the Clock
MIA: Isn't this the grandmother who made you get a divorce?
Well, she didn't approve of me...
but Phillipe and I made the decision...
to divorce on our own.
Why should I go see this snobby lady who ignores us?
Mia, she's your father's mother.
Just go see her tomorrow.
- Please? - Tension.
She said your father hoped...
that you two would meet someday.
[ Sighs ] All right, I'll go.
[ Playing rock and roll music ]
BOY: Whoo!
All right, I win.
Band practice is over.
I have a music class here. Out!
Let's have the third group try "Catch a Falling."
Charles, you want to be in the front?
- Thanks. - No problem.
Michael.
Are you sure you can't help me...
with my Spotted Owl petition today?
I'm meeting my grandmother after school.
[ Piano playing ] Oh, right.
Catch a falling star
And put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star
And put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day
For love may come and
Tap you on the shoulder
Some starless night
SPEAKER: School tours are on Saturday, young lady.
I'm here for a meeting with my grandmother.
Name?
Clarisse Renaldi.
Oh. Please come to the front door.
Thank you very much.
SPEAKER: Get off the grass!
[ Message repeated in other languages ]
Welcome, Miss Thermopolis.
We've been expecting you.
MIA: Oh, be careful.
Please don't crush my soy nuts.
Your soy nuts are safe.
OK.
Right this way.
Please, make yourself comfortable.
WOMAN: ...for their daughter Marissa.
She's allergic to peanuts.
And we need new pillows for the prime minister's wife.
She's allergic to goose feathers.
Hello, Amelia.
I'm Charlotte, from the Genovian attache corps.
Hi. It's nice to meet you.
Um, where am I?
CHARLOTTE: The Genovian Consulate.
MIA: You've got pears in your flowers.
Genovian pears. We're famous for them.
Now, if you'll sit down...
she'll be with you in a moment.
No, I don't need a moment. I'm here.
Amelia, I'm so glad you could come.
MIA: Hi. You've got a great place.
Thank you.
Well, let me look at you.
You look so...young.
Thank you.
And you look so...
clean.
Charlotte, would you check on tea in the garden?
Please, sit.
So, my mom said you wanted...
to talk to me about something. Shoot.
Oh, before I "shoot"...
I have something I want to give you.
Here.
Oh, um, thank you.
Wow.
CLARISSE: It's the Genovian crest.
It was mine when I was young.
And that was my great-grandmother's.
Heh. I'll keep this safe.
I will take good care of it.
Now, what did you want to tell me?
CLARISSE: Something that I think will have...
a very big impact upon your life.
I already had braces.
No, it's bigger than orthodontia.
The tea is served, ma'am.
Amelia, have you ever heard...
of Eduard Christoff Phillipe Gerard Renaldi?
No.
He was the crown prince of Genovia.
Hmm.
What about him?
Eduard Christoff Phillipe Gerard Renaldi...
was your father.
[ Snorts ] Yeah, sure.
My father was the prince of Genovia.
Uh-huh. You're joking.
Why would I joke about something like that?
No! Because if he's really a prince, then I--
Exactly.
You're not just Amelia Thermopolis.
You are Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi...
Princess of Genovia.
Me? A princess?
Shut up!
I beg your pardon? Shut up?
Your Majesty, in America...
it doesn't always mean "Be quiet."
Here it could mean, "Wow," "Gee whiz," "Golly"--
Oh, I understand. Thank you.
Nevertheless, you are the princess.
And I am Queen Clarisse Renaldi.
Why would you pick me to be your princess?
Since your father died, you are the natural heir...
to the throne of Genovia. That's our law.
I'm royal by marriage.
You are royal by blood.
You can rule.
Rule? Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Now you have really got the wrong girl.
I never lead anybody--
not at Brownies, not at Camp Fire Girls--
Queen Clarisse, my expectation in life...
is to be invisible, and I'm good at it.
Amelia, I had other expectations also.
In my wildest dreams...
I never expected this to happen.
But you are the legal heir--
the only heir-- to the Genovian throne...
and we will accept the challenge...
of helping you become the princess that you are.
Oh, I can give you books.
You will study languages, history, art, political science.
I can teach you to walk, talk, sit, stand...
eat, dress like a princess.
And, given time, I think you'll find...
the palace in Genovia a very pleasant place to live.
- Live in Genovia? - It's a wonderful country.
Whoa, whoa. Just--
Rewind and freeze.
I'm no princess.
I'm still waiting for normal body parts to arrive.
I refuse to move to and rule a country...
and--Do you want another reason?
I don't want to be a princess!
Oh, Amelia...Amelia!
Amelia, come back here!
CLARISSE: Ohh!
[ Sighs ]
Well, that went well, didn't it?
- Perhaps she needs more time. - Will you help me?
Miss Thermopolis?
I'm the head of your security...
and you want me to be a chauffeur and baby-sitter.
For the time being. The child needs protection.
MIA: For 15 years...
you couldn't find a spare minute...
to tell me that my father is a royal?
I thought I was doing the right thing.
The right thing for who, Mom?
For all of us.
I mean, if we secretly divorced...
he would be able to find a woman...
who would stay by his side and produce heirs...
and I would be free to live my life with you.
I mean, please! We met in college!
I was young! I wanted to paint.
Can you see me walking one step behind someone...
for the rest of my life?
With rules and regulations...
and the waving and the bowing and the scraping?
I was scared!
MIA: Living with a mother...
who lied to me for 15 years scares me.
Where are you going?
To straighten up the royal bed chamber.
HELEN: After the divorce, we all discussed it.
Your father and your grandmother...
both agreed to keep that distance...
so you would have a chance of a normal childhood...
free of emotional complications.
We were going to tell you when you were 18 years old...
but when your father died, things changed, Mia.
We wanted to protect you.
You know what?
I don't feel protected.
You try living for 15 years...
thinking that you're one person...
and then in five minutes you find out...
that you're a princess.
Just in case...
I'm not enough of a freak already...
let's add a tiara!
[ Sighs ]
Well, drink your soup.
I'm not really hungry.
Fine.
Good night, sweetheart.
Fat Louie...
[ Purring ]
You are so lucky...
you don't know who your parents are.
[ Meow ]
I've never ridden in a limo...
he admitted bitterly to himself...
as he crossed to the open window...
and looked out at the bay, the fog looming...
like his pathetic life before him.
I can't believe I won an Emmy.
I have this favorite photo of Phillipe.
We had so much fun when we were in college.
He was so full of joie de vivre...
always laughing and smiling.
CLARISSE: I remember.
Helen, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne...
then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.
So the future of your country...
is in the hands of my 15-year-old?
Here it is.
Oh.
CLARISSE: Phillipe was ready to be king.
Then the terrible accident.
Even though it didn't work out between us...
I loved your son very much.
Thank you.
Well, as always...
this is as good as it's gonna get.
Hmm.
I can't wait until she's 18.
[ Mia sighs ]
Oh, this is a nightmare.
I'm going back to bed.
Mia, the three of us have to talk.
Oh, OK. Is there something else...
about me and my life I might want to know about?
Are you two waiting to take me on a talk show...
to tell me I have a twin sister who's a duchess?
You have a cousin who's a contessa.
Fondly known as Bartholomew.
Actually, we call him Pookie.
Yesterday did not go well.
Will you just listen to your grandmother?
Amelia, in a matter of weeks...
we have an annual ball.
I was--I am hoping that I may present you...
to the press and the public on that occasion.
However, you desperately need some instruction.
I speak for the entire Genovian parliament...
and the royal family.
And I speak for this family.
Excuse me...
I don't have a family with either one of you...
because you ignored me for 15 years...
and you lied to me.
Families don't do stuff like that, OK?
[ Footsteps going upstairs ]
Where is she going?
The tower.
Mia, you can't run from everything!
She has a tower?
HELEN: Please? Just come down from there.
MIA: Most kids hope for a car...
for their 16th birthday, not a country!
Just make yourself comfortable.
[ Fat Louie hisses ]
HELEN: This is getting us nowhere!
Talk to me.
I can't talk to you right now.
I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.
I'm late for a meeting with Spain and Portugal.
HELEN: I have a thought.
Mia promises to attend princess lessons...
until your ball.
Well, it's not my ball.
It's Genovia's annual Independence Day ball.
I'm sorry.
Mia promises neither to accept nor reject...
your offer to be royal until this grand ball...
and then she makes her decision.
Now, can you both live with that?
It seems I have no option.
[ Sighs ] If I have to.
But I want not one word of this until that evening.
Is that understood?
Duh.
CLARISSE: The press would have a field day.
Well. Let's not keep Spain and Portugal waiting.
[ Car horn honks ]
I'll be 16 this year...
and my mom traded two paintings for a 1966 Mustang.
You do know what a Mustang is, right?
I raise mustangs.
That is not a sensible car for a princess.
It isn't sensible for anyone. It doesn't run.
I suppose I could donate something to this vehicle.
MIA: Good morning, Mr. Robutusen.
CLARISSE: Who is this gentleman?
MIA: Oh, he's my neighbor...
but you wouldn't want to meet him.
He doesn't have very nice manners.
Good morning.
There's someone I want you to meet.
OK. Whoa.
You have two limousines?
One is yours.
You raise limousines, too?
No. Amelia, this is Joseph.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
The elegant European woman didn't stay for tea...
Thanks.
But the promise of tomorrow hung in the air.
[ Car door shuts ]
MIA: Ooh!
Uh, Princess?
Princess, may I point out...
that no matter how many times you push it...
it will go up and down the same way.
MIA: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags? Please?
No.
The flags allow me to park anywhere.
We keep the flags.
Sorry, Joseph.
You can call me Joe.
Joey?
Heh heh heh heh.
No. Joe.
Did I miss something?
Are we going to a wedding?
Uh, no. School.
No, this is the surprise ride.
[ Speaking foreign language ]
MIA: This is Joe.
Joe, Lilly. Lilly, Joe.
LILLY: Hi, it's nice to meet you.
You know you look like Shaft?
Yes. Excuse me.
- You want a ride, right? - Yeah, totally.
Hey, I got it.
Of course.
- OK. - Oh, my word!
JOE: Please fasten your seat belts, ladies.
LILLY: Is your mother dating an undertaker?
Uh, no.
This long-lost grandmother showed up...
and she wants me to use it.
- And? - I--I don't know.
I guess she's just trying to be nice...
to get me to like her.
LILLY: Oh.
MIA: Hey, Joe?
Can you please park a block away from school?
I don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.
This is a non-riot hearse.
And if it were a hearse...
there would be silence in the back seat.
[ Girls laughing ]
CHEERLEADERS: Hey there, ho there
How do you do?
This is Grove Lions saying hi to you.
Go Lions! Roror!
P.A.: This is a reminder.
Virtual homework may not be submitted...
for actual credit.
FONTANA: Tell me, Mia.
Is it true about your speech?
Are you really speaking at the Bulimic Convention?
So you can speak and barf at the same time?
[ Vomiting sounds ]
MS. HARBULA: Good.
Good glove, Michael. Way to go.
I'll let this one go, Mia. Try catching.
Are you sure?
It's slow-pitch. Don't worry about it.
MIA: Oh.
Now get it and throw it back to the pitcher.
- OK. - Come on.
[ Crowd gasps ]
- I am so sorry. - Mm.
- I'm really-- - Mm.
- I didn't mean to-- - Mm.
- Can I help you? - Ice. Get me ice.
[ Trolley bell dings ]
LILLY: I'm on the verge of becoming a nutcase...
and my parents think I need an attitude adjustment.
MIA: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
LILLY: Sorry. Yeah, so my dad wants...
to take me to dinner tonight, just the two of us.
We ran out of things to talk about when I was 8.
MIA: At least your dad's still alive.
LILLY: Hey.
I thought you'd gotten over that.
It's been two months.
MIA: I know, I know.
But, after all, he was my dad.
Biologically, yes, but you never met the man.
Just a nice card and gift on your birthday for 15 years?
Be fair. They were beautiful presents.
Remember that Faberge merry-go-round he sent me?
That was nice.
And he paid for my school tuition.
- I guess so. - Lilly, I gotta run.
I gotta see your brother about my baby.
LILLY: OK, but let's take the limo tomorrow.
These hills are killing me.
MIA: You got it.
[ Rock music playing ]
[ Telephone rings ]
[ Rings ]
He fixes cars, he plays guitar...
and he can sing.
- He is so hot! - He is wicked sweet.
DOC: Hello. Talk loud, I got a band rehearsing.
MICHAEL: You've been listening to the sounds of Flypaper.
We're flying away now.
DOC: All right, stop yelling. They're finished.
Hey, that's-- It's sounding really good.
You know, Ned is really wailing.
Hello, Mia.
Hey, Doc.
So, what's the diagnosis for my baby?
Four hundred dollars.
[ Horn honks ]
DOC: Yeah, I know. It costs to be cool, huh?
MIA: This is not my day.
I'll do some labor free.
MIA: Thanks, but I'll talk to my grandma about it.
It'll be great.
I'll see you guys later. I gotta be somewhere.
Ooh. "I'll do some labor free."
Heh. You sweet on her?
She's my sister's best friend!
Yeah, that's the hardest place to be.
Between friend and friendlier, huh?
[ Laughs ]
I'm trying to find a way
I'm trying to find a ride...
Your Majesty, the diplomatic pouch has arrived...
and she's here.
CLARISSE: Send her in.
CHARLOTTE: Yes, ma'am.
CHARLOTTE: I need more roses--
red, white, mauve. Mauve!
- Miss Amelia, welcome. - Hi.
Straight ahead to your left.
Her Majesty is ready for you in the library.
CLARISSE: Charlotte, take notes, will you?
Amelia, circle slowly...
so I can evaluate the work to be done.
Amelia!
Does your bad posture affect your hearing?
- Turn. - Oh, sorry.
No, no, no. Slowly, turn.
Slowly. Thank you.
Well, carriage, obviously. Hairstyle.
Complexion...
Stop!
Eyes...lovely...
but hidden beneath bushman eyebrows.
The neck is seemly.
Ears...
like her father.
Really? They are?
Oh, my! Who has nails like these?
Everybody.
Tomorrow I would like to see clean fingers.
And you will wear stockings.
Not tights, not socks.
And I never want to see those shoes again.
When walking in a crowd...
one is under scrutiny all the time.
So we don't slump, like this.
We drop the shoulders...
we think tall...
we tuck under and transfer the weight...
from one foot to--
No. Princesses never cross their legs in public.
Why don't you just tuck one ankle behind the other...
and place the hands gracefully on the knees.
Aah!
Charlotte, I think it's time for tea.
MIA: Tell me, how does my mother--
or, really, any person, for that matter--
go into a parent-teacher conference...
and come out with a date?
Mia, Mr. O'Connell is not married...
he's not living with anyone...
plus he's not pierced, tattooed, or hair-plugged.
Do you realize how rare that is south of Market Street?
Did it ever occur to you...
that if you dated one of my teachers...
it would give the other kids...
license to mock me for the rest of my life?
No, you're right. I didn't, and I'm sorry.
[ Sighs ]
It's just that Patrick--
Mr. O'Connell-- is such a nice man.
He's a real gentleman...
and I haven't met one of those in a long, long time.
OK. It's--it's fine.
I just can't do anything right anymore, can I?
[ Meow ]
BOYS: Come on! Go for it!
- Come on, get her! - In your face!
Aah, aah, aah!
HARBULA: Come on, come on!
Just block one, Mia!
I can't do this. I'm a girl.
What am I, a duck?
No! I mean... You're an athletic girl.
I am a synchronized swimming, yoga-doing...
horseback-riding, wall-climbing-type girl.
My hand-eye coordination is zero.
All right, you can go again later.
Josh! Get in here.
Yeah, I'm in.
So, I was watching you earlier...
and you're way tense.
You know what I'm saying?
Soft kisses on a summer's day...
You gotta think like the ball. Be the ball.
You gotta stop it, know what I mean?
- Heh? - Heh.
Bring it on.
- Hey, Joe? - Mm-hmm?
I'm turning the back seat into a dressing room...
so I can change into a proper outfit for madame.
Yes, well, don't forget your shoes.
Oh, thanks.
Strange town, San Francisco.
When I purchased the pumps...
they asked if I wanted them wrapped...
or if I wanted to wear them.
All right, closing.
Ah ah bop bop ba dop
Oh oh bop bop ba dop
Going up.
Oh little bitty pretty one
Come on and talk to me
Aah!
Let me grab you lovely one
You all right?
Yeah--oh--I'm fine.
- Going down. - Whoo!
Oh oh bop bop ba dop
I've never put on pantyhose, but it sounds dangerous.
MIA: Grandma? Is it customary in Genovia...
to imprison your dinner guests with Hermeez scarves?
CLARISSE: It's Hermes.
The scarf is merely a training tool.
Eventually you will learn to sit...
and eat properly without it.
Manners matter.
But enough etiquette for the day.
Now, Genovia does a lot of trade with Spain...
so we prepare for that.
The quickest way to a Spanish heart is dance.
Shall we?
Now tell me, what kind of dancing do you do?
Dancing? Just the normal kind.
You know, like...
Bom chicka bom bom
Bom tss um bom
JOE: I see.
JOE: We have a Genovian alternative.
[ Dance music playing ]
Now, the dances here are very sedate...
right from the hips. In place.
No bobbing of the head, please.
It's not a doggy on a dashboard.
JOE: Straight up.
Let's practice this here.
Now, this dance is...
between a waltz and a tango, you see?
MIA: It's a wango?
JOE: No.
All right, here we go. Spin out...
and spin into me. Spin into--Uhh!
- [ Gasps ] - OK.
I--No, no, no, no.
JOE: Try again. One more spin.
Very quickly, now pull away.
That's it. Good.
Good attitude. Spin in.
- Good. - I did it?
Grandma, I spun without hurting anyone!
That's very good news.
Spin, spin, spin. Yes, done.
Better. It's coming along.
Now you may go home.
Thank you! See you tomorrow!
Thank you, Joseph.
[ Dance music playing ]
You've been wearing black too long.
P.A.: This is Coach Harbula.
You can sign up now for the Baker Beach Party.
MIA: Oh! Sorry. Sorry.
JOSH: Hey, Bobby Bad!
Sorry.
LILLY: Mia! Are you ready?
Oh, hey. I'm really sorry...
but I can't do it today. I've got a Grandma thing.
I'll call you. Bye.
What? Has your grandma turned into the big bad wolf?
JEREMIAH: Shazam.
Cute, Jeremiah, but a way to a girl's heart...
is not by treating her like a vending machine.
SPEAKER: Get off the grass!
[ Message repeats in several languages ]
Hi, Adolpho! I'm late!
She's late.
- You're late. - I know.
I'm really sorry about it--
- And where is Paolo? - Send in Paolo.
CLARISSE: Ah! Always prompt.
[ Italian accent ] Regina Mia. Buon giorno.
My assistant, Gretchen and Helga.
CLARISSE: Good afternoon.
We're so pleased you could make yourself available.
Your Majesty.
We won't waste time. Let the work begin.
PAOLO: Ah. Of course.
Where is the beautiful girl?
My granddaughter Amelia.
Aah!
She is gorgeous. Let us take a closer look.
Paolo, we have a limited number of days...
before the state dinner.
Frizzy, busy, dizzy.
In the best sense.
Oh, I would like it if your ladies...
would also sign our confidentiality agreement.
Majesty, they know what is a secret, eh?
[ Speaking foreign language ]
CHARLOTTE: Excuse me, Your Majesty.
The Genovian press secretary's waiting for your call.
Oh, yes, of course.
Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave...
and come back and be surprised.
[ Claps hands ]
Charlotte, watch him like a hawk.
PAOLO: Buerste, Helga!
Danke.
So we begin, Principessa, eh?
In Paolo's hands, remember...
you will be beautiful.
You have thick hair.
Heh heh heh.
Like a wolf.
Ow!
Is all right. Heh heh heh.
Do you wear contact lenses?
Well, I have them...
but I don't really like to wear them that much.
Now you do.
You broke my glasses!
You broke my brush.
PAOLO: Gretchen! Helga! Attack!
PAOLO: I love your eyebrows.
We'll call them "Frida" and "Kahlo. "
If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx...
that child would have your eyebrows.
Do you want to know a big secret?
- Tell me. - The cucumber does nothing.
Heh heh heh. This is something we make up.
Majesty, Paolo is exhausted...
because, Majesty, only Paolo can take this...
and this... and give you...
BOTH: A princess.
Better. Much better.
Mille grazie.
Why don't we go and have a wonderful cup of tea?
Si.
CLARISSE: Come, Mia.
[ Playing harmonica ]
Lilly, the car's here!
LILLY: I'm coming!
[ Plays ]
Thanks for the ride. Thank you.
Hey.
What?
Michael, don't always think you can get a ride with us.
Oy.
LILLY: Who destroyed you?
Oh. You think it looks that bad?
You look ridiculous. You should sue.
Well, um... [ Laughs ]
I know it's a little straighter and shorter--
Weirder!
An attractive weirder.
LILLY: No. It's not attractive.
Seat belts, please.
LILLY: What I really can't understand...
you ditched me again yesterday...
when I needed your help on the Greenpeace petition.
This bag! You have one of these bags?
You know we could hock that...
and feed a whole Third World country?
Am I right?
No.
If there are no more passengers...
I think we should close the door.
LILLY: You used to care more about...
what was inside your head instead of on it.
Come on, Mia. Fess up.
I don't know where you are these days...
and now you're turning into an A-crowd wanna be?
You're morphing into one of them!
And who knows, next week...
you could be waving pom-poms in my face.
You sold out!
Was my rear-view mirror fogging up...
or was someone tearing back there?
I'm fine.
Very well. Then I'll go meet your grandmother.
But you should know that...
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.
Yes. Another special lady like yourself.
I'll be back at 3:00.
Thank you.
She has a hat.
Do you really think wearing that hat...
will keep people from seeing your new Lana-do?
Just because the student population...
might be morally bankrupt doesn't mean they're blind.
Lilly! Just stop it, OK?
Just because your hair sucks, get off mine!
MICHAEL: Ouch. Thank you.
Michael, can you please pretend you have a life...
for just one moment?
Hey, relax. Breathe.
Hee. Hoo. Hee.
[ Playing harmonica ]
What did you just say to me?
You heard me.
I am so sick...
of you ragging on me all the time...
and always telling me what to do.
I get enough of that from my mother...
and now my grandmother, and I don't need it from you!
I'm not an idiot...
so I know something's going on you're not telling me!
Friends tell, so you know what?
Here is your friendship charm.
I'm taking it off and it's going in the dirt!
Don't do that, OK? Just--Ugh!
All right, just wait.
Why?
I will tell you the truth...
but you're gonna think it's really stupid...
and you're gonna freak.
Try me.
[ Buzzing ]
[ Gasps ] Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Is that all you can say?
I'm sorry I was harsh...
and I don't know what else there is to say.
Will you come on my cable show?
No, I can't. This is a royal secret.
You can't tell anyone. Not even Michael.
Especially not Michael. You are sworn to secrecy.
- Of course. - Secret handshake.
[ Spitting ]
MIA: We might have to think of a new secret handshake.
LILLY: Are you really sure you can run a country?
You can barely keep your goldfish alive...
for more than a couple of days.
Lilly, I'm really sure of anything right now.
Listen, there are pros and cons to being a princess.
Shh! Don't say that word. People can hear.
Class has begun!
Class has begun and I have a little surprise for you.
Pop quiz. French Revolution.
Mr. O'Connell, there's a school rule...
that says nobody's allowed to wear hats in class.
And I don't think anybody should be...
an exception to that rule, do you?
O'CONNELL: No, Lana.
Mia, I'm sorry, but hats are against the dress code.
Mia?
[ Class reacts ]
Mamma Mia.
LANA: Look who's trying to fit in now.
ANNA: It's a wig, right?
MELISSA: I think it looks really sweet, Mia.
ANNA: Looks like she got a head transplant.
Well, I think it rocks. And you know what?
Voltaire. Hair.
I would personally like to learn about Voltaire.
OK, Lilly, OK.
Everybody settle down now.
Quiz time, OK?
CLARISSE: Lovely. But now we need fountains...
lights in the trees.
The Japanese Embassy has a waterfall.
Why can't we have fountains?
We have a fountain up there, ma'am.
Well, I would like at least two in here.
Charlotte, just make me an Eden.
Yes, ma'am.
- Amelia? Let's continue. - Hmm?
CLARISSE: In your spare time, I would like you to read these.
"What's in a name?
"That which we call a rose by any other word...
"would smell as sweet."
And so you wave to them...
and acknowledge them gracefully.
Hello.
No. Not quite so big, because, of course...
it's very, very exhausting after a while.
Very funny, dear. Try it properly.
Waving-- even more gently--
You say, "Thank you for being here today."
- Thank you. - For being here.
JOE: I'm sorry, ma'am.
I must pick up the prime minister.
Excuse me.
BOTH: Well, thank you for being here today.
MIA: So this is considered art?
HELEN: My parents did this in the Sixties.
Yes! They had an exhibition at Woodstock.
And I guess you're trying to bring it back?
HELEN: Well, this beats homework.
Yeah. Some moms help their kids with homework...
we do this.
Oh, nice shot!
Oh, yes, I like it.
Bull's-eye!
[ Laughing ]
- Yeah! - I did it!
I love life, life loves me
Everything in the world
This is more fun than princess lessons.
[ Dripping ]
MICHAEL: What are you doing this Saturday night?
Are you guys playing?
We're rehearsing some new things.
We got two new songs.
Oh, yeah?
Plus, surprise, we got the new parts for your 'Stang.
Oh, yay.
We could put it together together.
OK. Is this like a date?
- No. - [ Giggles ]
Music, cars.
- Would it include pizza? - Pizza's a given.
MIA: With M&Ms?
Wait up! Wait for me!
Not you! I don't even know you!
- Well, then, I am in. - Great!
LILLY: Hi! Whoo-hoo!
Saturday, it's on?
Yeah. Great. Hey, Lil.
- Hi. - What's up?
- What's happening? - I don't know.
[ Loud chatter ]
MIA: What's going on?
- Maybe it's a protest. - Maybe.
Excuse me. Hi. Who are you waiting for?
LANA: There she is right there! Mia Thermopolis!
We're waiting for you.
Right here, Princess! Talk to me!
MIA: Lilly, did you tell?
I didn't say anything!
Princess Mia! Who's your favorite actor?
Why are they calling her "Princess"?
WOMAN: Princess Mia, what do you do about pimples?
Come on. Let's just go, please!
MAN: Can we quote you, Your Majesty?
Come on, Mia. Let's get inside.
LANA: Oh, Mia! Ohh!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Excuse me, Mister? Hi!
The phone's ringing off the hook.
What?!
Oh!
O'CONNELL: Mia, your mother's on her way.
[ Telephone rings ]
Gupta. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
The queen is coming to Grove High School.
SUKI: A limo with flags!
MALE REPORTER: A Genovian limousine has arrived.
The queen is getting out.
SUKI: Your Majesty, why all the secrets?
All we keep hearing is "No comment."
Do you have a comment?
Your Majesty--
Will you be visiting the White House?
Are you taking the princess home?
MIA: Mom, I don't know who told on me.
HELEN: We'll get to the bottom of this.
Here's your tea, Your Majesty.
I'm sorry we don't have finer china.
That's perfectly all right.
Here.
Joseph?
- Speak. - Paolo?
Majesty, it was I who told the press about you.
I outed you. So to speak. I don't mean to imply--
- Grazie. - Prego.
But not for money, Principessa.
Paolo hates money. He spits on money.
There was no money. Well, some money.
After all, a man like me, each ring is--
The point is, it was pride and ego...
who drove me to know that royalty would see one day...
the beauty was mine! The hair was mine!
That I, Paolo Puttanesca, was responsible for--
- Grazie. - Prego.
[ Speaking Italian ]
By the way, your hair--magnificent.
The next time, we go a little lighter?
MAN: Your Highness, would you like to say anything?
GUPTA: Isn't that just awful?
Doesn't anyone respect royalty anymore?
What is it like in Genovia, Your Majesty?
Do people just fawn over you?
I wonder, would you give us a moment alone?
GUPTA: I'm the vice-principal.
Joseph, would you take this fine educator...
and show her your security plans for Amelia's safety?
What?
Ah, yes, of course.
Your Majesty, thank you.
Your security system is a bit lax.
Oh, is it?
HELEN: A week ago, Mia was a normal little kid.
She has never been normal. She was born royal.
And we cope with the press every single day...
and we will do it again.
You don't have to do this.
You can get out of this whole thing right now.
Your mother is right, Amelia.
We had a bargain.
All right. I will think about it...
and let you know soon.
CLARISSE: Good. A diplomatic answer.
Polite, but vague.
Mia Thermopolis is the daughter...
of local eclectic artist Helen Thermopolis.
They currently live in a refurbished firehouse...
south of Market Street.
Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi...
whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year.
This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH.
[ School bell rings ]
WOMAN ON P.A.: Will the Feng Shui Club...
please stop rearranging the tables on the lawn?
LILLY: Hello? Princess?
You're the most popular girl in school.
Everybody wants to take your picture.
Everybody wants to be your best friend.
- Hi, Lilly. - Hi.
LILLY: So I've made a list...
of all the reasons for you not to be a princess.
Number one--no privacy.
Number two--you always have to look just right.
- Number three-- - Whoo!
MIA: Ha ha ha!
LILY: Are you OK?
MIA: Ha ha! Number three. What was number three?
Number three-- you can't go nut so.
You can't be all "Bleah" during the day.
Lilly, um...
I really don't want to talk about this...
at the moment, OK?
Just one last question.
Now that you're "out"...
would you come on my cable show on Saturday night?
Yeah, sure.
I love you!
I'll buy you another charm for your charm bracelet.
OK? Ooh!
See you Saturday night!
Joe!
Yes, Miss Mia?
I don't want to run my own country.
I just want to pass 10th grade...
so can't I just tell everyone that I simply quit?
No one can quit being who they really are...
not even a princess.
Now, you can refuse the job...
but you are a princess by birth.
How can I tell if I can even do the job?
By simply, simply trying.
Like the fancy dinner coming up.
She thinks you're ready.
MIA: Really?
Shall we practice entering like a princess?
OK.
Entering.
JOSEPH: At the grand ball, you enter with the queen...
but at the state dinner, you enter unaccompanied.
Shoulders back. Smile.
They're all happy to see you.
BARON: Ah, there she is.
BARONESS: How is she?
You are much prettier.
[ Mia exhales ]
JOE: Well done. The worst is over.
Our diligent Prime Minister, Sebastian Motaz...
Hello.
And his lovely wife Sheila...
Nice to meet you.
And their charming daughter Marissa.
Oh! Lord Fricker, let me take your brandy glass.
You won't need it in there.
And easy on the schnapps.
Remember the Winter Dinner.
MARISSA: I'm not allowed to go to the party.
[ Chuckling ]
Dinner is served.
[ Snoring ]
MOTAZ: Her Majesty, Queen Clarisse.
Someday we will own Genovia again...
and you will be queen.
And your face will be on a postage stamp.
CLARISSE: How are the children, Robbie?
Would you like to see them, ma'am?
There's Ryan and Bridget.
CLARISSE: Oh, they're beautiful.
Would you like to see?
PRINCESS PALISADES: So, Mr. Prime Minister...
how would you say the pear market...
is doing in Genovia?
The Genovian pear market is blossoming...
if you'll pardon the pun.
[ Overlapping conversations ]
And that's their princess.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
MIA: Hi. You wanted to see me?
Is everything all right?
Um, yes, yes.
What was happening with the ice bucket?
Oh. I just had a little clumsy moment.
- OK. - Bye.
The food's delicious, by the way.
SHEILA: It was for a feminist group in Scotland...
called "Tarts for Tartan."
They were a wild bunch.
Very exciting.
Thank you.
Between the courses to cleanse the palate.
Bien?
[ Whimpers ]
[ Mumbles ] I'm sorry. It's a little cold.
SHEILA: She didn't realize it was frozen.
What should we do?
Well, we should take that much, too.
Just do the same thing.
MIA: No! No! It's cold!
[ Both mumbling ]
They are acting like monkeys.
- Mmm! - Mmm!
[ Mumbling ]
[ Snorts ]
[ Snorting ]
[ Bang ] Ah!
[ Gasps ]
Have you ever experienced that instant headache...
when you eat ice too quickly?
No.
Wash your hands.
[ Clearing throat ]
[ Clears throat ]
[ Tapping ]
Excuse me.
I'm really sorry.
It happens all the time.
I would like to propose a toast...
to the Baroness and Baron Von Troken.
May you always be Baron.
Ahh, the famous Genovian pear and cheese dessert.